He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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