I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my being single is dangerous.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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