i wish starbucks made bloody marys
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
