I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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