tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
