Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
