i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
