fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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