I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
