i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
