If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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