That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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