I'm drive I can fine osifer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
