How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
