I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize