Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
