So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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