whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
