i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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