just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
