Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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