i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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