I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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