so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
