he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
