Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
