one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
