my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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