I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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