You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
