my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
