just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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