Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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