At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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