its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
