Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
