i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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