she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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