Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
