Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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