I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
