Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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