i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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