there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
