First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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