Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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