He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
