is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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