She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
