Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
