I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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