I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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