She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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