Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
