i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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