dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
