His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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