my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
