I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
