I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
