I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
