Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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