So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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