I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
