I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
